Our dog bit my son yesterday. No blood drawn, thankfully, but teeth marks nonetheless. Its happened once before, and only to him. Though it might seem out of the blue when its happened, I can almost predict it each time. The dog is a female, my son is very much a 9 year old boy, and therein lies the answer. He is learning (if only by fear of blood) how to treat a woman.
Oh, that’s my job, you might say? Hey, I’m doing the best I can. My boy helps with laundry and dishes way more than his older sister, and I’m sure to tell him what an excellent husband this will make him one day. And he sees my husband and me in a long, successful marriage, taking care of each other. I see my progeny taking this all in.
But there are subtleties that sometimes can’t be taught. Small behavioral moments that we might not even be aware of. And that’s where the dog comes in. She’s teaching him to read the unspoken cues we all give out as only a dog can- by pure id, no lecture necessary.
In this era of political correctness, Foxy is unapologetically female. She wants to snuggle, but not too much. She wants closeness, but back off, you just went too far. What exactly is too far, you might ask? Only Foxy knows, and she can’t tell you. She only knows when it happens, and that’s where my son’s lessons begin.
Snuggling and getting close can’t just be about his needs. He may give all those things, but only while watching and being aware of how she’s doing. She’s teaching him that caretaking is about putting your focus on the one you’re taking care of, not your own comfort or need. Of course that becomes part of the big picture, but in the moment, it is purely about the “other.”
Does she need a hug one moment, space in the next one? Must watch her for cues. Does she need your calmness, or is it playtime? She’ll definitely let you know, but are you in that same head space? Maybe you can find a game together to satisfy you both. Again, she’ll let you know. But you have to read her cues, or you know what’s coming… another bite, maybe blood drawn if her adrenaline is pumping.
Ok, hopefully his future wife won’t bite if she doesn’t get her way. I’d recommend steering clear of those girls. But my son will now know when to push, when to give space, and when it’s time to play, however that may be defined in that moment. And he can thank Foxy for that.
And as for dishes and folding laundry? Well, Mom was good for something after all.
Authentically Lost 