What Happens Now

I’m walking through my life. Day to day, activity to activity. I know how to keep busy.

But I’m still off my balance. My world has shifted. I’m fully present and then I’m not. Memories just fly into my brain, some recent, and some from long ago. Like mini movies and photo stills appearing before me all day long.

Am I mourning too much? Not enough?

I know the answer, it’s what I would tell my closest friend. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to grief. It just is. Damn cliches and their truths.

In the end, I don’t want to get over my grief. I want to keep my parents with me. How ironic- I spent so much of my adult life setting boundaries, and here I am, inviting them back in.

Yet I don’t regret my past actions with them. I needed to stand apart and grow into a healthy adult. I don’t think I would have this deep love for them if I hadn’t fully separated from them. And I always felt close and connected to both my parents, so maybe we figured something out after all.